Dating can be a fun and exciting experience as you try and find the true love of your life. But it can also come with its fair share of poor choices, broken hearts and psychological trauma.
One of the most difficult challenges people face when looking for love is discovering that the person they have chosen to have a relationship with actually turns out to be a narcissist.
Narcissists tend to have a distorted self-image and an excessive view of their own self-importance that can negatively impact their relationships. They also often lack empathy and have an inflated sense of entitlement, making it difficult for them to truly connect with their partner.
Therefore, dating a narcissist can be a rollercoaster of emotions and can leave the other person feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained.
In this article, we will explore the meaning and some of the signs of narcissism, as well as provide general advice on how to end a relationship you might find yourself in with a narcissistic partner.
What exactly is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a psychological term that refers to a personality trait characterised by extreme self-love, admiration, and self-importance.
The term is named after the mythological figure Narcissus, who is said to have fallen in love with his own reflection and was unable to look away from it.
In modern psychology, narcissism is defined as a personality disorder that causes individuals to have an inflated sense of their own status, a lack of empathy for others, and an excessive need for admiration and attention.
Individuals with a narcissistic personality disorder often have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and accomplishments. For instance, they may believe that they are superior to others and have an entitlement to special treatment. Furthermore, they often have a grandiose sense of self-importance and require excessive admiration from others to maintain their own feeling of self-worth.
In addition to their grandiose self-image, individuals with a narcissistic personality disorder may also display a lack of empathy for others. They may be unwilling or unable to recognise the feelings and needs of others, which can lead to difficulties in personal relationships and professional settings. They may also have a tendency to exploit others for their own gain and may lack a sense of personal responsibility for their actions.
Narcissistic personality disorder can have a significant impact on an individual’s life, causing difficulties in personal relationships, employment, and social situations. Treatment for narcissism typically involves psychotherapy, which can help individuals learn to manage their symptoms and develop more healthy and fulfilling relationships with others.
Overall, understanding the meaning of narcissism can help individuals recognise and address problematic personality traits and seek appropriate treatment if needed. It is important to note, however, that not all individuals with high levels of self-confidence or self-esteem are narcissists.
Indeed, it should be understood that narcissism is a very specific personality disorder that has unique symptoms and characteristics which require professional diagnosis and treatment.
What are the main causes of narcissistic behaviour?
The causes of narcissistic behaviour are complex and multifaceted, involving a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Some researchers believe that the genetic makeup of a particular individual could be a significant factor in the development of narcissistic traits, as certain genetic variations have been proven to be linked to an increased risk for developing personality disorders.
Environmental factors, such as a person’s upbringing and life experiences, may also contribute to the development of narcissistic behaviour. Children who are consistently praised and rewarded for their accomplishments, while their flaws and mistakes are ignored or overlooked, may develop an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement.
In addition, psychological factors, such as a person’s early attachment style and self-esteem, can also play a role in the development of narcissistic mannerisms. Individuals with insecure attachment styles, low self-esteem, and a fragile sense of self may be more likely to seek out external validation and attention to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy.
Some research suggests that cultural factors may also contribute to the development of narcissistic behaviour. Societies that place a high value on individual achievement, status, and material possessions may foster a culture of narcissism, where individuals are more likely to prioritise their own needs and desires above those of others.
Overall, the causes of narcissistic behaviour may vary between people who display these traits. This is why understanding them is so important as it can help individuals better recognise and address narcissistic tendencies in themselves or others.
What are the major traits of a narcissistic person?
The condition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is actually a mental health condition that is characterised by a prolonged display of grandiosity over many years, as well as a lack of empathy and a need for admiration. The traits commonly associated with narcissism include:
Grandiose sense of self-importance: Narcissists view themselves as being special and above others. They often exaggerate their achievements and abilities, and they expect to be recognised as superior.
Preoccupation with fantasies of power, success, and attractiveness: Narcissists are often preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, and other idealised attributes.
Belief in their own uniqueness: Narcissists believe they are unique and entitled to special treatment. They often have a sense of entitlement and expect others to comply with their wishes.
Need for admiration: Narcissists require constant admiration and attention. They often seek out praise and compliments from others and can become enraged if they feel ignored or overlooked.
Lack of empathy: A general lack of empathy for others and not being able to understand or appreciate the feelings and experiences of others is another key narcissistic trait.
Exploitation of others: Narcissists often exploit others for their own gain, whether it be for money, attention, or other resources.
Envy: Narcissists may envy others who they believe possess superior traits or abilities, so they often react with rage or contempt towards those individuals.
Arrogance: Narcissists usually are very arrogant and view themselves as superior to others. They may become aggressive or confrontational when their sense of self-importance is threatened.
Infidelity: Unfortunately, people who exhibit narcissistic behaviours are prone to infidelity as they have a strong need to be desired sexually.
It is important to note that while many people may exhibit some of these traits at certain times in their lives, a diagnosis of NPD requires a long-standing pattern of this behaviour. Particularly when it significantly impairs a person’s ability to function in relationships and other areas of their life.
Why are people attracted to narcissists?
Despite their negative traits and behaviours, there are several reasons why people may be attracted to narcissists.
One of the main ones is that narcissists often have a charismatic and confident demeanour, which can be initially appealing and attractive to others.
Additionally, narcissists may use manipulation and charm to gain control and power in a relationship, which can create a sense of excitement and drama that some people find alluring.
People may also be attracted to narcissists because they may project a false image of being successful, powerful, and popular, which can be attractive to those who value those qualities.
However, despite these initial attractions, it is important to recognise the warning signs and potential harm of being in a relationship with a narcissist.
What are some red flags when dating a narcissist?
If you suspect that you are dating a narcissist, there are some common red flags you should look out for.
For instance, people who are narcissistic usually only talk about themselves. They tend to dominate conversations and always steer the conversation back to themselves.
They also tend not to be able to show compassion or concern for others who are going through difficult times, such as a friend who has just lost a loved one or someone who has been affected by a natural disaster like an earthquake, because they do not see how it affects them personally.
Additionally, they may disregard or minimise other people’s emotions or feelings and instead focus on their own needs and desires.
Narcissists also tend to be excessively preoccupied with their own physical appearance and may spend a lot of time and money on grooming services and products.
Furthermore, narcissists might have a history of struggling to maintain long-term relationships and
often manipulate others with tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail, to get what they want.
Should you notice any of these red flags in your relationship, it may be a good idea to step back and reassess whether the relationship is healthy for you.
Breaking up with a narcissist
If you have decided that you are dating a narcissist then you should consider ending the relationship as quickly as you can.
However, breaking up with a narcissist can be difficult and emotionally confronting. That said, it needs to be done for your own well-being and mental health, so here are some things you can do.
Firstly, you need to set clear boundaries. Be assertive and let your narcissistic partner know what you will and will not tolerate in the relationship. When you do this, be prepared for them to lash out, as they are prone to do, when they feel threatened or rejected.
You will most likely receive a negative reaction. So have a plan in place for how to protect yourself and any belongings that may be at risk.
At all times you should try and stay calm and rational. Avoid getting into arguments or engaging in emotional outbursts, as this will only escalate the situation.
When you do end your relationship, it can be emotionally draining. So, it is important to have a support system in place, such as friends, family, or a therapist.
You should cut off contact with your former partner immediately, this may mean blocking their number, unfriending them on social media, or even changing your phone number or email address.
Lastly, you should turn your attention to yourself and focus on your own well-being and personal growth. This may involve seeking therapy, engaging in self-care activities, and building a support system of healthy and positive relationships.